Your "true self" is always the key it seems.

I’m probably the worst for myself creatively because I get over-excited. 

Lately, I have SO MANY IDEAS and I want to do EVERYTHING. I want to learn everything and I wish I worked 100x faster than I do because I just want to create everything I have in my head. Only it doesn’t work that way. 

I got really worried last week when I was sick. I wasn’t myself and I didn’t get anything done. I worked as much as I could at my actual job but I even left that early some days. I came home and I just got into bed and felt terrible. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry a little about getting better but having lost my creative “streak” that I’m currently in. 

I feel like I’ve been SO far from my creativity for so many years because I put it on the back burner that I’m so scared of losing it again. I feel as though it’s fickle as if it comes and goes as it pleases. 

Wait.

Now that I’m writing this, I’m sitting and focusing and I think that all of that was my fault. 

I’ve written before about how I used to chase the life that I thought I wanted. Whatever situation I found myself in I would do my best to be what it needed. What others needed me to be. In doing that I obviously wasn’t nurturing myself or my creativity. It’s silly to think that isn’t the key. 

It’s in this internal space that I’m in now that I’ve found everything, that’s the key. To create an environment for yourself that allows creativity to flow. That allows you to slow down and think through things or dream up new things. Having outside responsibility exist at a minimum and give time back to yourself, your passion, your craft. Maybe as long as I’m able to cultivate my life into a space/environment as I have right now my creativity will always be there?

I’m def still learning the balance but I also feel the best I’ve felt in my entire life right now. I’m trying to hold onto that and explore it just in case I lose it again. I want to be able to find my way back. I’m paying very close attention to the things that calm me. To the things that get me out of my own head and allow me to feel balanced, free and quiet internally. Nothing them so that I come back to them again and again. 

This “true self” thing is SO intense.